Women’s Wednesday | “It’s Just a Kiss!”

The entire Sophomore class gathered for an afternoon assembly. It didn’t matter what the subject of the meeting was, it was getting me out of history class, so I was a happy camper. The speaker got up on stage. She was tastefully dressed, petite, and soft spoken yet commanding. She began to talk about her choices in life concerning dating, engagement, and marriage. I don’t recall much of the speech, except for this … She popped a tape into the VHS player (remember those black boxes that held movies once upon a time?) It was her wedding tape. We didn’t watch it all. Just the end. The kiss. That kiss was the first time she and her chosen one had kissed. EVER.

I remember scoffing. How in the world could you marry someone without ever kissing them? What if they were a terrible kisser? How could the marriage ever work?

Now, looking back on this, I respect this woman whose name I cannot even remember. Especially today, as a parent typing this while holding my daughter in my arms, I respect her even more.

No, my husband and I did not wait until our wedding day to have our first kiss. Do we wish we had? Yes, the more and more we think about it, the wiser I think it would have been to hold off on that physical contact until the marriage vows were complete.

Why? Well, let me suggest the following to you… (And please, keep in mind that I am in no way condemning those who chose or choose to kiss before marriage. I simply think that the subject should be carefully studied by both parties and a decision made based on examining the Bible and your hearts.)

Kissing can be a sexual act based on lust. The kiss I’m speaking of in this post is not the one you’d give your mom or dad. Not the kiss you’d give your dog. But rather this kiss would be a kiss that is inappropriate between sister and brother. It’s inappropriate between mother and son. You know what type of kiss I’m talking about, more than just a peck – open mouth, passionate kissing. Or what about this kiss: “A kiss involving insertion of the tongue into the partner’s mouth, open mouth kissing using the tongue.” (definition of French kiss, Dictionary.com) Kissing such as this triggers physical responses (arousal) in the kissers’ bodies. There is no doubt in my mind that these acts are sexual acts! Remember the urgings of the inspired apostle Paul: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” (Ephesians 5:3, ESV). Or what about 1 Corinthians 6:18: “Flee from sexual immorality.” (ESV)? But, don’t just think about the type of kiss, ponder its purpose. When a boyfriend and girlfriend kiss, why are they kissing? Is it to show an innocent display of affection (as you would kiss your mother on the check?) or is it more about passion and fulfilling improper physical intimacy – LUST! We need not look any further than the first book of the New Testament to see that lust is a sin (Matthew 5:28).

Kissing can lead to further sexual sin (which, remember, we are to flee from, 1 Cor 6:18). As Joshua Harris states in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye: “Physical interaction encourages us to begin something we’re not supposed to finish, awakening desires we’re not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off.” Are you willing to take that chance, kindling a desire for even further sexual sin?

If you’ve yet to enter the dating or courting world, remember to stay pure and contemplate what that means. If you’re already in a dating relationship that involves kissing, it’s not too late to stop. If you’re a concerned parent you can help frame and shape the way your child sees kissing and possibly help prevent them from entering into a slippery slope of sin that the world will push on them as innocent. Arm them with the mantra: “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) – have them memorize this verse, analyze it, and keep it in their hearts as they enter into a dating relationship or courtship.

(Author’s Note: I highly recommend checking out Joshua Harris’s “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “Boy Meets Girl” for further info on courting and physical purity before marriage. The books are very easy reads full of anecdotes and Scripture references.)

~Martha Howell